Monday, June 1, 2015

How To Get Fans In Other Countries

A lot of people (including fellow writer Nicola Palmer) have been wondering how they can expand themselves from their domestic boundaries out into the world and create a worldwide fanbase. 

As you have heard from my past exploits, I have had a lot of experience in this area. While it was not all glory, fortune, and fame I have learned a couple of things. 

Go To Them 

This sounds really obvious (you may have heard similar advice here, here, and here) but the gist of it comes down to this: You need to know where your audience hangs out and find them. 

Even if you're publishing books about hillbillies that live off the grid, you can find them somewhere on the Internet. It might be a little weird when trying to find it in terms of country, but if you take the time on Twitter and in the forums, someone is about to show up. 

There might still be a chance you are still unsure who you are writing for. You like to experiment and play around with things, so it's hard to find the right age or gender that defines who your core audience is.

If you're more right brain, don't think of it in terms of statistics and demographics. Think of it in terms of who do you wanna write for. 

One time, I was at the gym when I saw this blonde, borderline preppie woman on one of the exercise bikes reading something. I asked her what it was about and she replied with a smile "It's about an airplane that crashes in the mountains and the survivors have to eat the dead to survive". 

For whatever reason, I decided not to continue my conversation with said person, but when I think about my body of work, she is my imaginary audience member. Maybe pandering to a mysterious blonde possibly borderline psychopath is not a good indicator of success, but knowing she exists helps me when I deal with people who think "you're writing for women, they won't get it" and all the things people say when they think too hard about stupid things. 

Dabble In Local Culture

One of the wonderful things about the Internet is that we can now communicate with people in other countries freely whenever we want. When you think about how it used to to cost a thousand dollars to send a transatlantic telegram back in the day, it is really something to ponder from time-to-time.

The comments on Yahoo articles have the occasional foreigner in between the common redneck riff raff. When you ignore the trolling and misspelled words, it's really a wonder.

If you allow yourself to dabble, you can find out a lot about people. A lot of stereotypes I have had about British people in their posh etiquette has withered away and been replaced with images of godless drunken hooligans and the exploits of Charlie Brooker. I'm actually glad this has happened, it's made me like British people more.  

As for Americans, all I can say as a writer is you have to get our attention. You have a lot of competition. Americans like to get to the point and do things. I tweeted a while ago that I would actually watch soccer (futbol) if they had a shot clock. A shot clock, for those unfamiliar with it, is a device used in basketball that forces players to make a shot in under 24 seconds unless they want the ball to go to the other team.

It always makes the game exciting. I can't stand a bunch of guys running around a field for three hours. So remember that if you wish to grab a Yank's attention. A lot of Americans still fear this elitist perception the they of Britannia, so if you can be down-to-earth and unique, you should be okay.

Then again, these are the same people who created and embraced Twilight out in the southwest. Something happens when you are alone writing manuscripts in the desert that makes you think of rain and shiny vampires.

Sometimes it can be the way things are distributed in one country that can mean all the difference. In Rip It Up and Start Again, Simon Reynolds chronicles the history of the postpunk movement where he discussed the state of British radio as compared to American radio.


American radio has a large selection of radio stations to choose from in any regional area. Because of the large number of stations, the musical choices are often stuck with Top 40s hits mixed with classic rock. Now, I'm not entirely sure how English radio is, but apparently it's different with single channels that broadcast nationwide. That's why MTV was a big deal in the US. It was the only thing that broadcast music nationwide.

That's why all those reality talent shows are big deals here. This changes how both sides of the pond perceive culture. Once Americans find a comfort zone they in it, whether it's rap or anything else. But in England, you can take risks. You can have Ellie Goulding. America would have rejected Ellie Goulding if she came here first. Same with Adele. Same with Amy Winehouse. 

In a Hitquarters interview with either Marcus Beese or Nick Gatfield (I can't fully remember which one it was) it's small rule in England that if you replicate what Americans do best, it won't work. British rappers seem goofy over here. But, Amy Winehouse worked because there was nothing like that here. 

Same thing with Danny Boyle movies and Tom Hardy in Bronson. Bronson has to be one of my favorite movies about criminals American/British or otherwise, and a lot of that has to do with the unique voice the film is presented in. You might see him as some local buffoon, but I thought it was an interesting character study.

(As an aside for a second, I wanna say that if someone can write a Harry Potter/Narnia/Tolkien story with pottymouthed British melting pot immigrants as the main characters, I think that would be awesome. Like Attack The Block mixed with magic)

Change Your Sleep Cycle

This is a little thing you can do that might improve your chances for a foreign fanbase. I like to write at night. Writing at night is fun. All my best essays as a kid were slung out at 4:00 AM. Late night typing is a sign of greatness. You can keep your goofy Folgers coffee morning routines. 

Anyway, my nocturnal writing habits means that I am more aligned with Australians, Kiwis, and Limeys (saying Aussie, Kiwi, and Limey makes me want to put a lime and a kiwi into a Victoria Bitter) whenever they pop in on Twitter. This gives me the chance to interact with a group of people I normally wouldn't talk to if I had a normal sleep cycle. 

So, if a foreign fanbase is something you desire, take a night (if your work schedule allows) to play around with when you tweet and see if you can chat up your overseas fanbase. 

Trial and Error

Taco Bell is an American fast food outlet that serves Americanized Mexican cuisine. They have expanded into a bunch of different countries. 

They tried to expand into Mexico.      

It didn't work. 

They tried again, this time selling American food. 

Still didn't work. 

Disneyland Paris. Took a couple tries and a lot of money before they made it work. 

I wanted to chat with people in different languages. It's a funny story I tell people now. 

In wanting to quench your imperialistic thirst for recognition, you will encounter a couple pitfalls. It happens. 

If you want an exotic omelette, you have to climb a tall tree, get some weird eggs, and crack them. 

For whatever reason, the country you might want could be hesitant. But that could be okay. The Darkness singer Justin Hawkins once said that his favorite band was Aerosmith. He acknowledged that Aerosmith was not that big in England as they were in America, but he felt like it was his own little popular obscure band. 

Chances are, there could be someone who sees you as that awesome little cultural secret. So embrace it.  

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Random Unsolved Plotline From My Life (again)

I'm going to make this short and sweet:

I need to dust off that old copy of Dark Cloud and beat that game.

That is all.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

What My Dog Taught Me.



This is my dog Bear.

Bear passed away on February 13th, 2015.

She was a Chocolate Labradoodle my family adopted from someone who didn't want her anymore.

She taught me a lot of things. Like...

Live your life.




There's a lot of obstacles in raising an animal. Sometimes, it can feel like a burden.

But you forget pain. All that's left is the memories. And those were awesome.

All these things you worried about. The ending. Mild paranoid glimpses of suffering.

We didn't let her out sometimes because we were afraid she might get attacked by coyotes.

Were we right in doing so? Yeah.

But it's not something I'm worried about right now. All we can think about is wanting more time. I made sure to do a lot of things with my dog, so I did not regret it when the day came. Do I wish I had more time? Yes. Do I really regret anything? Not too much.

And it's made me take a step back to focus on what's important. There's a lot of things worth having in life that comes with its fears and obstacles. That doesn't mean you don't engage in them. You can either prepare or do, but you shouldn't worry.

No regrets.

Typos. Big deal. Bad reviews. Big deal.

Big picture. Big deal. 

I feel like I wasted a lot of time worrying, and not enjoying the moment. Listening to a person's opinion on a musical genre they don't even enjoy. Stop wasting my time.

My dog's passing has forced me to take a different look at my life.

Don't focus on the dogshit/diarrhea/vomit/whatever

No, it's the light reflection, don't come to conclusions

A couple weeks before her death, I had decided that I was going to feed her rotisserie chicken.

It gave her diarrhea. I got a lot of crap for doing it, both metaphorically and literally.

But that's cleaned up right now. It's over. It's done. And I'm glad I did it. And I'm glad I dealt with it. We live in this anxiety fear driven media pushing society that takes all conflict as a setback.

But sometimes, it's okay to take the cons with the pros.

Sometimes the cons aren't that bad. 

Not going to lie, my dog had a lot of misadventures.

She tried to eat a pinecone once. She tried to smell a firework before I dragged her away.

You regret the things you didn't do moreso than the things you did do. This moment has forced to come to terms with that.

I'm at a crossroads in my life. There's a lot of risk in greatness, or so they say.

I have been fearing controversy. It's not even controversy. It's mild disagreements and arguments with people on the Internet.

My dog's passing has taught that it is important to truly live one's life, and not get lost in the meandering negativity.

And that's what I plan to do. I hope you do too.



Wednesday, February 25, 2015

What Keith Olbermann Taught Me About Being Likable

So, Keith Olbermann is in trouble again.

This was the only picture I could find of him that was free to use
I got what I paid for. 


He went off on a rant about Penn State's victories being reinstated and ended up insulting students who raised money to fight cancer.

Did he get trapped into it? Kind of.

Was there a more diplomatic solution that he overlooked? Absolutely.

It's easy to be on the outside looking in and throw stones, but I'm not going to do that.

I don't think he should get suspended, and I don't think he should get fired.

But I sure as hell am going to remember this when he calls for someone's resignation. Guarantee it.

It's easy to want Olbermann to get fired. He's not likable.

And it's funny. Because, unlikability on a level like this is not something that can be conjured in a work of fiction. We all deal with toads and tools (and a few toadstools) in all walks of life, but it's never easy to create a tool of a character in fiction.

What is the difference between Robert Downey Jr. and Macklemore?

What makes you feel a certain way about a person?

A part of it can come from your allegiances. I like the Lakers. Never understood why some people don't like Kobe. He's innocent. He doesn't need a wheelchair to take him off the court when he hurts an elbow.

Lebron. I've come to the terms that he's a human being. And it's a silly game.

Bill O'Reilly. Michael Moore. Each side has theirs.

So, it has to be something more than that.

Likability comes from knowledge, more importantly, knowledge of everyone's perspective and knowing the world does not revolve around you 

You know how certain things are racist, but other things are tolerated?

I think it comes to this...

When someone feels like they aren't treated like human beings, like a joke is made at their expense, as oppose to an observation of the human condition, they find it racist.

The preceding sentence was very lawyery. I did that on purpose. There's going to be someone yammering about it.

Giuliana is not friends with Zendaya. That's why there's problems.

Insulting someone you don't know is different.

But at the same time, the entire point of Fashion Police is designed to tear people down. Fashion Police Brutality. Even the Fashion Police are racist. That was a joke. I hope it was received as such. Fine, give me a day to pen the apology...

There's a difference between joking about an experience with your friends, and that asshole nine year old yelling racial slurs on Xbox Live.

You see it in a lot of shows where diverse people are depicted. You can feel like there was this obligation to quota. No character has a voice, because you don't know where that character comes from. Lena Dunham writing a black character, for example.

And interesting characters can't exist because of it. Conflict is interesting. But, conflict can be interpreted as prejudice.

If Luke Skywalker is black, you'll say he couldn't stop the Death Star without white Han Solo saving him.

If Han Solo is black, you'll say that he is some type of oppressive archetype because he's helping a white person succeed.

Quota destroys innovation, whether that's financial, political, or otherwise.

Does that mean you shouldn't talk to those different than you? No, it doesn't.

I personally don't think most people are racists. I think there is some flaw in human psychology that we've yet to analyze. We never acknowledge good things. This is where negativity comes from.

I mean, working in customer service can make you hate people. But that's only because you're forgetting the good people you work with everyday. You take them for granted, because you don't worry about them. You don't toss and turn thinking about them. Unless you're a weirdo like me, of course.

But let's be honest. The reason why Olbermann has backfired is because...

He comes off as insincere 

People used to ask Mister Rogers why he remained to be the same person offscreen as onscreen.

Mister Rogers replied "Kids can spot a phony from a mile away". He always accepted people for who they were.

Back in the day, a group of thieves stole Mr. Rogers car. They returned it shortly later with the note "Sorry we stole your car, we didn't know it was yours".

If that doesn't warm your heart, don't talk to me.

You never want to make money being a personality. That is, something that you need to turn on and off. Something you're not consistent with.

If you're not an artist, and you are burdened to create content everyday, all that is left is creating drama. All that's left is pissing people off.

You can't seal yourself off and work on your novel or your album. You can't go into self-exile and train for your next match.

It's not good to be a personality.

Because we all have bad days. And each fanbase needs an excuse.

Kate Gosselin has no excuses. There's no reason to be a fan of Kate Gosselin.

All the reasons are gone. Especially if you're not a nice person to work with.

John Travolta is getting a lot of flack right now. But if you love Welcome Back, Kotter, Saturday Night Fever, and Pulp Fiction, there's nothing his new silliness can do to take that away. Although, some will argue that he tries.

Making something of worth can erase a lot of negatives. At least excuses. A lot of despicable people have made amazing things.

It's this weird emotion I feel when Kanye says he has the right to work with Disney Imagineers. It's almost like when Iggy Azalea does anything. Can you imagine Gucci Mane throwing a fit over Papa John's giving out his number? I don't even think Iggy Pop would care.

You know that old Outer Limits episode where scientists create fake aliens in order to create a fake alien invasion so the world can unite?

I feel like Iggy Azalea is an alien created to bring people of all races together. I feel like T.I. might secretly be a martyr. Everyday he says to himself "One day, it will all be worth it". It makes more sense than what we're dealing with right now.

We like Walter White, because we want to pretend that's who we will become when we have to deal with something as bad as cancer.

Everyday, we wake up, and deal with obstacles. We like to look up to those who solve those problems.

And we resent those who only make it worse on themselves.

Those teenagers who keep tripping in the slasher movies. We actually root for Jason Voorhees. He has plans, and he knows where he's going.


I root for everyone in this picture

It's the fundamental root of drama and storytelling.

We mess up. We accept characters that mess up. But they have to redeem themselves. Redemption means they've learned something. And we like them better for that.

Keith Olbermann has been to the doghouse before. And he's going back. He hasn't learned. This bothers people.

He's not Steve McQueen going back in the cooler.

He's every other guy apologizing, maybe make a comment about anger management, rehab and the like.

And it's going to continue...

So till the next time, we'll see you.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Thirty Million Dollar Mindset

So, I saw Jupiter Ascending.

I really liked it.

A lot of people didn't like it.

These are the same people who complain about a lack of originality in Hollywood.

So, fuck 'em.

And from this point on, I'm going to actively repel people in my life who do not want me to succeed.

This isn't a matter of being a snob.

Saying you will succeed isn't snobbish. Dismissing someone's accomplishments is snobbish.

It's the definition of being a snob.

It's an unwarranted criticism from someone who doesn't deserve the time of day.

I wanna succeed, and I'm going to surround myself with people who want to succeed.

And I'm going to hang around people who are in touch with me creatively on a larger level.

Nicholas Meyer didn't watch a lot of Star Trek. If he did, it might have stunted him from pushing the series forward. He dug into things he was passionate about. Mainly, Napoleonic naval warfare. And he bled that into Star Trek, and he created some of the greater films in the series.

A lot of people look at the culture at large as some sort of get rich quick scheme. Sometimes it works, even to the point where it makes a good artist angry and loathsome.

But it doesn't last long. All con artists get caught eventually.

It takes a balance. A lot of people wanna be Kubrick. They treat the film they're working on like they're Kubrick. No studio today is going to give a young director Kubrick money or Kubrick power.

But Kubrick didn't have access to the things a lot of young filmmakers have access to. 

It's both easier and harder to be a filmmaker.

It's easy to do things. But society wants more. Hitchcock might not have been able to maintain a social media campaign. It is what it is.

And maybe we're a better society because of it.

Maybe Hitchcock getting caught on his bullshit if he were to live in the modern era would be a good thing. Like Bill Cosby.

It's a new world. Plan accordingly. A lot of history is nostalgia, so beware putting the past on a pedestal. Opera was a crude artform for poor people. People with class stayed home and sang madrigals. It's in Gone With The Wind.

There's so much room so for so many interesting opportunities.

There's a project I've been thinking about.

I've been thinking about it since 2007.

Since high school.

It's something that always comes back to my mind when things get hard.

For this project to exist, I'm going to need thirty million dollars.

Now, there are many other projects I have to execute before I can get to this.

This project is my Ganondorf. It's my Ganon.

I died a lot of times before I got to Ganondorf. Not just that, I took time off and did other things because life got in the way. 

When I was a kid playing Legend of Zelda for the first time, I didn't realize I had to light the Deku Stick on fire. I was in that chamber for a good three days.

It seems silly, and it is. But, eventually, with time, you play the game, you beat Ganondorf, and you beat Ganon.

It's not about how slow you go, as long as you finish, so said Confucius (although people wonder if Confucius actually existed, blahblahblah, cognitive dissonance, little picture)

The point is, there's going to be a lot of time focusing in on this thing. Maybe someone else could have come along and done a better job. But they are not here right now, and I am. And after that's done, we move onto Majora. Did I ever beat Majora? I don't even remember...

And as long as there's something to do (which there is a lot of), I'm going to keep showing up till said thing is done.

I always thought I was guilty to aim for something like this.

But in order to acquire that kind of opportunity, you're going to need to do 30 million dollars of work. And to get the results you want, you have to be better than the results that you want. Everyone thinks they're underpaid at their job. This will be no different.

But the truth is, I plan to exceed those expectations. And not feel guilty if things turn out right.

You can't be afraid of success.

I mean, it's life right? And we know we're gonna die right? And the haters don't follow us to the afterlife right?

So, what's the problem?


Sunday, February 8, 2015

Do The Hustle

Filmmaking is changing.

It's changing faster than the fashion world.

It's changing faster than your software updates.

It's hard to keep up.

You can take some time as a scriptwriter, and learn the craft.

Reading books. Experiencing 5000 years of storytelling.

But with regards to actually getting in the industry, there's so many changes to the process of filmmaking that it can be hard to jump in. And not just jump in, but jump in and become successful.

By the time people figure it out, you feel like you've missed the ship.

I mean, look at mixtape campaigns.

So, there's a required skillset you need to implement change.

And that skill, is maintaining passion.

And that skill is the ability to hustle. The ability to adapt and overcome.



It annoys me to no end when people have no hustle, no game, and think they can somehow survive in the industry. Or any industry, really.

The arrogance that lives behind that mindset astounds me. It escapes logic. It shows that someone's life has been too easy. They've never worked in customer service.

I ask you on Twitter what your story is about, and you give some snarky comment about going to some bizarre website where your ebook is located. Piss off.

If you're not likable, you're leavable.

I'm a bit of a superstitious type. It's something that has happened over time due to certain experiences I have.

I'm convinced that people bring bad luck on themselves.

If you wish to prosper, and you hang out with bad luck people, you will not prosper.

I'm also becoming resentful of the contest mentality. The idea that you're going to give the heimlich to some film producer, and your problems will be saved. That's an idea I had when I was eighteen. When you see someone in their thirties with ideas like that, you want to slap them in their face.

And anything where you have to add personal drama. It's a side effect of the contest mentality. The need to be a victim.

Filmmaking is not being an artistic victim. Filmmaking is logistics and creative problem solving. It's fitting other people's needs to fit yours.

You talk about wanting to be rich. You talk about wanting to be famous. I ask for your Twitter/social media/whatever, and you go on some rant on privacy.

There is no privacy.

And there really is no privacy for rich and famous people.

How are you supposed to be famous if you don't want anyone to know who you are?

I mean, I understand haters. I don't tell certain people of my activities because they always have something negative to say. They don't like the movies I like and they don't like my projects. If you're not lovable, you're leavable.

This seems to be a big issue in a lot of relationships, or lack thereof.

Stop complaining about being single. You're not lovable, that's why people don't want to hang out with you. You're not fun. You don't do cool shit. Do cool shit. Always. Because that is life.

Get in trouble for the right reasons. Make it worth it.

It infuriates me.

Maybe corny's a good thing.

Maybe you're either T.I., jail going troublemaker, or T.I., Iggy Azalea producer.

Maybe we all have bad days and should deal with others so they deal with us.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Why Nobody Likes Iggy Azalea

When is the Grammy's? That's sometime soon?

All this access to technology, and I refuse to Google when the Grammy's are taking place. I don't want to feel like I'm investing time in figuring out when that event occurs.

But that's just me.

The big issue behind this year's Grammys, is whether or not Iggy Azalea will fulfill the prophecy of being the female Macklemore.




Before I go any further, I would like to deliver a message to everyone in America:

Kids, if you have the passion to want to go in the arts, a field where you can bullshit yourself as an innovator, I would say at least take a couple of shots at it. Because the way things are going, it's only going to get worse.

I thought Macklemore was the worst thing to happen to hip-hop in America. But at the end of the day, Macklemore is at least pretending to deliver a sincere and positive message.

Iggy Azalea? I don't even understand it. I don't even comprehend it.




I don't think artists have to voice their opinion on every single thing that happens in the news. I think that's an ignorant placement of our values. There was some fire accident in another country. On the same day your film/album drops. You forgot to mention it. You asshole. Don't you know tweets save lives?/endsarcasm

But yes, kids, definitely pursue your dream for at least a year. Rappers today don't even rap. They mumble through the autotune. Even if you're a fecal matter musician, you might be an innovator of something in the future where you'll be written off as a genius. So at the very least, sling some poo on the wall and see what happens. Say you're trying to explore yourself, remind people that what you're doing isn't illegal (unless you have an uptight city council, but I don't wanna get into that).

But, case in point, Iggy Azalea. People don't like her. Could it be because...

She has completely destroyed the notion that you need street credibility in hip-hop

Iggy's finishing what Rick Ross started.



Remember when 50 Cent did that whole thing where he said Ja Rule was whack?

I still don't understand that. I need someone to explain that to me. How is someone who had to go to jail considered not a "credible" artist, but you'll turn around and accept the fact that a correctional officer took his name from Freeway Rick Ross?

And Rick Ross is going to say something about police brutality? Did he hate himself as a correctional officer? Is Rick Ross suffering from borderline personality disorder (sidenote: What happened to Nicki Minaj's other characters that were in her head? Did that go away with Ebola?)

Maybe it was one of those situations where Jay Z saw Rick Ross's following, saw his numbers, signed him up, did a little more investigating, realized what happened, and did his best to make sure everyone forgot about it.

Ever listen to rap music made by real killers? It reminds me of the rap equivalent to Charles Manson's album. Or white supremacist punk bands.

Like, you're too busy doing bad things to focus on being an accomplished musician, and everything has this creepy vibe when you think about the background behind it. Do you really think Tony Montana would be a good rapper? Be honest.

Iggy ain't in the murder business. Iggy doesn't wanna be in the murder business. No talks about romantic conjugals with dysfunctional collectors of murderabilia. Authenticity ain't fun kids. Romantic idealism is amazing. Authenticity is using your driver's license and putting it in an art gallery. Don't go there. It's not fun.

She Doesn't Seem To Care Much For The Genre

Christopher Nolan has said something that has dramatically changed how I see everything. With regards to movies he said "When you watch a film, and you feel like whoever made this film thinks it's the greatest film ever, that's the sign of a quality movie".

You can apply this with anything. Being literate in your craft. Doing the little things that show you care. Giveafuck, as I like to call it.

Just look at this video at 1:30 when she was with Sway.

Didn't even try to freestyle.

Like, listen, I understand we all have bad days, maybe a fear that the rap would have came out whack. But there wasn't even any passion there. Riff Raff did better. And Riff Raff doesn't even perform apparently, he plays his songs, vibes out to them, and just randomly sings the chorus when he performs live.

Q Tip gave her a shoutout on Twitter. Do you realize how happy I would be if Q Tip gave me a shoutout on Twitter? He made 90s hip-hop what it was. He only got paid $10,000 to make one of the greatest albums of all time.

And she dissed him. A student of the craft wouldn't diss Q Tip.

Eminem made a song about her. Did she counter with a rap song, like a normal rapper? No, just a rant about how she's offended. That's so lame. Offended? In the murder business? The realest? Can you not feel it in your gut? How lame it is? 

Like, I try not to diss people in the industry because it burns networking bridges and blah, blah, blah, but I'm taking the risk on this one. It stinks.

I think the reason why hip-hop is so prevalent as opposed to heavy metal is that heavy metal tries too hard without getting any results.

And that's the cost of pride. Obscurity and disappointment. And a bill for all this gear. Hip-hop just needs a laptop. Hip-hop is an improvised explosion device.

But honestly, she ended up randomly ranting out one of her pre-written songs. How can you not look at that and tell me that's lame?

It stinks so much.

It's Continuously Inauthentic 

Listen, if you don't like white people, and you don't like white people listening to rap, that's fine. But you have to, on some level, enjoy white people when they're authentically who they are. Let them be apathetic and sing to Madonna in their GAP clothing.

Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?

(sidenote: A Dominican woman once told me she liked white boys. I asked her if she liked Huey Lewis and the News. She said she liked CNN. I thought that was hilarious)

You gotta let white people dance to Joy Division. You have to let losers like...what are we at now...Teen Mom? Who replaced Jersey Shore? Wasn't it Buckwild? But they died right? Who holds that crown now?

You have to let people live in their niche. Everyone hated Paris Hilton. Wanted her to go away. Mission Accomplished. Now we have Kardashians.

You wanted Saddam Hussein out of there, he was smuggling his cache into Syria.

Congratulations, you now have ISIS.

Winston Churchill once said that the "Wars of the People will be much more violent than the Wars of the Kings".

Vacuums get filled.

As much as I don't like Iggy, I think it's going to get worse. Like, we're going to get Bieber Iggy. Mumbling autotune as he screams at you playing Call of Duty Bieber Iggy.

And then we'll say "At least Iggy's a grown woman".