It’s been a long couple of years.
I’ve had my successes. I’ve had my setbacks.
I’ve had doubts.
I’ve had vivid fantasies that I swear were real that make me go out and come up short.
I’ve been dodging this question for a while, because I thought it was lame for a very long time.
The question of why?
Why I do what I do?
What was the reason for avoiding this question?
Because this question was brought onto me by people who grew up with lame reasons.
This question was brought to me by people who did not share my vision. Their question of why was their attempt at having me explain my work to them. It was an attempt for me to earn their validation.
I don’t need their validation. If I have to explain to someone why I wanna make a horror movie in the same tone you would explain a workplace incident, chances are, this person is not on my side.
I’ve learned that now.
I’ve been on a spiritual/philosophical journey with regards to a person’s emotions and their need for a relationship.
It would seem that a person who is fun to be around, who is a joy around, does not need to seek another person to accompany them. A person who does not need someone will attract one.
A person who is depressed, however, will not attract anyone in their moment of need and weakness.
It is said that this person will be “clingy”.
It is the same as to how a bank will not give you money unless you really don’t need it.
It might be counter-intuitive.
In a way, it is.
But it showcases how the majority of thinking is flawed.
Most people add no value to the marketplace. They will be destroyed by the rising autonomy economy.
They only seek a partner so they can deplete them sexually, emotionally, or financially.
And they continue to be alone.
To truly have these things that you desire, you must earn them. Not in terms of office politics, but in terms of attitude and deed. For yourself. It is in your selfish need for others to prosper.
Not only hard work either. The labor that will be rewarded should probably be more complex.
To get the results you want, you have to be better than the results that you want.
To quote the Dead Kennedys:
“Kiss ass while you bitch, so you can get rich, but your boss gets richer off you”.
If the company cannot profit while you work for it, consider yourself a candidate on the chopping block.
I explain this to regress to my earlier point.
Why do I do what I do?
I’ve worked at a bunch of different jobs in the last couple years. Co-workers come and go. They’re good people.
But truthfully, the one thing in my life that remains constant, that gives me my identity, is my creative work. It’s what I will be remembered for after I die. I had a lot of anxiety building up to the completion of my projects. Because I felt like I would be forgotten if they didn’t get done. Like if I died, I would cease to be. This was a very primal feeling. Like realizing your only child is not yours.
But the work got done.
I don’t fear death. That’s one reason why I do what I do.
What are some other reasons?
It can’t be the money. I haven’t made much from the current state of the endeavor. There were other occasions where I could be paid handsomely for the amount of work I’ve put in my projects.
And I’ve attempted that. And sometimes, you can come up short. You witness a man on social media working in a “safe” industry having a mental breakdown upon receiving his ten year stint at a company that he only worked at to provide for his children.
That fate is much worse than the artist’s struggle.
It’s the root of the mid-life crisis. It’s probably the root of workplace violence and other public incidents.
In Van Gogh’s time, most people did something safe to provide. Do we remember them now?
The Emperor of Vienna is dead. Vienna no longer exists.
So, why do I do what I do?
Because it can be better. How many times have you turned on the television and there was nothing to watch? How many times do we feel like all music sounds the same?
We have the technology to make it better. Let’s make it better. Because we can. And have a lot of fun doing it. You can feel it. In your gut.
I think about what Mozart would do with our technology. I think about it a lot. Especially in my bad times. The times when you’re pulling your hair out trying to make the video render correctly.
It’s an adventure.
People play RPG’s.
Do they pick the role of the farmer? The man who goes to a job he hates so he can feed a family?
No, they pick the role of the adventurer.
Does your significant other’s eyes light up when you tell of them about what you’ve been doing recently?
Then perhaps a change is in order. A lot of people drift in life after they enter the workplace. They only maintain their figure until they marry. They only hustle and bring value after they secure employment. They don’t do things for themselves, and their life implodes slowly because of it.
What people think success is and what success actually is are two very different things. I have witnessed this firsthand. Successful people are caring. They might have to be slick based on the difficulties they deal with, but the universe smiles kindly on them for their ability to get out of certain situations.
Tyler Perry and Eva Longoria have been big inspirations in my new model for success. They want to do everything. Because this is life. Your afterlife insurance policy has no guarantees. There’s a lot of uncertainty in that. If we are meant for heaven, we will be in heaven.
Personally, I don’t think we have much say in the matter.
All we can control is what’s given in front of us.
So, let’s go out and do as much as we can.
Do we have to be rational?
Can it be possible that we take on too much and fall under our own weight? Yes. I’m experiencing that right now.
It’s silly for me to talk about this, but I think about my Wikipedia page a lot.
I don’t write it. That has to be someone else’s job.
And it annoys me. Because as much as my ego gets huge, I still don’t have a Wikipedia page. That annoys me.
I see people get in fights, they start drama.
I used to be one of these people.
But I don’t do that anymore. At least, not on the scale I used to.
It’s fun to point at something you’ve accomplished during an argument. It’s much more fulfilling.
It’s weird to watch someone manufacture drama among their peers while you labor on something of value and forgive a volunteer for messing up because you know they did not act out of malice.
It’s weird watching someone go into deep debt buying ugly expensive goods while you’re reading a book on Richard Branson.
It’s weird listening to Symphony no. 40 when Iggy Azalea...I’m not going to finish this sentence.
So, why do I do what I do?
It’s the better option. Long term, it’s less suffering. Short term is another conversation.